How secure are long distance relationships? – The Sun Nigeria


“During 16 years of marriage, I didn’t spend an entire month with my wife and kids in one house because we live in different cities, until the Covid-19 lockdown happened.

Before that, I visit as often as possible, although they are short visits. During confinement, I struggled to be with my family every day. We were arguing over trivial things.

There was so much tension that I started to believe my earlier fears. I will be retiring soon and the thought of waking up next to my wife every day scares me. What we went through during confinement almost made us file for divorce. Are my fears unfounded? Is it strange that I prefer to stay married while we live apart? Am I just an independent mind or do I have deep, subconscious anxiety about sharing my space? “

Monsieur M sent it by e-mail.

I have received countless emails like this single and married people prefer long distance relationships / marriages rather than living in the same city or house with their partners. At first it might sound strange, but I’m all for long-distance relationships.

Many career-oriented men / women prefer long-distance relationships as it gives them the space and independence to set their priorities and live their lives in a committed relationship / marriage.

The beginnings of a long distance relationship are usually difficult. It’s exhausting mentally and physically, but after a while you feel comfortable. Distance makes you miss and love them more, especially when the people involved are trying to keep it alive. And when you see your partner on a carefully planned vacation, weekend getaway, or impromptu sightseeing, it feels much more special and intimate.

Meetings after a long time are beyond explanation. The hugs and kisses are definitely worth the wait. It doesn’t mean that certain things happen sometimes, you just wish they were around.

In theory, long distance makes love more affectionate, but in practice, it strengthens the relationship. Couples in long distance relationships actually have stronger bonds and that gives them something to look forward to. Long distances have kept more marriages together for longer, although most people don’t openly admit it.

When you’re still with someone, it’s easy to start taking them for granted. Long distance relationships allow for serious communication that helps you get to know your partner on a deeper level. You get to know their tastes, their way of speaking, their common phrases, their favorite expletive, etc.

People in a long-distance relationship talk more about all kinds of things, from the sublime to the ridiculous, than if they are under one roof. Couples living together easily settle into routines, become too busy or controlling, and sometimes there just isn’t time to talk.

Long distance dating is not for everyone as not everyone can handle issues and other aspects of it, especially those who are possessive. Some of us are at a point in our lives when we don’t want a 24/7 partner. The freedom people crave in a long-distance relationship doesn’t mean they cheat or flirt with other people. It’s just the extra time it gives them to pursue their dreams and do things they love to do on their own on their own terms.

For a relationship or love to flourish and flourish fully, it requires a combination of physical and mental connection between two people who are comfortable, whether they are together or apart. Spending quality time doesn’t have to involve physical contact. Distance teaches you the value of your relationship, as well as a greater appreciation for the quality time you spend together.

So the bigger question is why do you prefer to be in a long distance relationship? Some people’s preference for long-distance relationships stems from the fear of vulnerability. They shut down their feelings and seem cold even when they really aren’t. They are literally afraid of getting lost if they get too close to their partners. They have learned to block their feelings from what they have been through in their formative years or in previous relationships.

Introverted people like long distances more because they are specific to their space. Although most of them take advantage of the distance to become emotionally distant. Narcissists also prefer long-distance relationships because it is much easier for them to live their manipulative life from a distance.

Your preference for long-distance relationships can also mean that you are unwilling to resolve relationship issues. You run away or just avoid overcoming your own shortcomings. You are not ready to give up some of your bad habits or behaviors that put your partner off. If you have a long history of long distance relationships or if visiting your partner or the idea of ​​living in the same space becomes a cause for concern, this could be a red flag. You need to see a therapist.

The downsides of long distance are that most of the time you only share memories instead of building memories together. Time zone and online availability when you need it most is another. Internet / telecommunications connections can be down and this can be frustrating. Some partners begin to cheat to meet their sexual needs and become emotionally distant.

The long-distance relationship is a non-traditional relationship, although more and more people are accepting some of these relationship dynamics. Couples can still love and care for each other while living apart. And that it is very healthy to have space and time away from your partner.

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